The following is the rough draft of a hypothetical speech to be given by President Joe Biden in October 2024.

Ladies & Gentlemen. My fellow Americans, I have an important announcement tonight, one that I hope will make America better now, and in the future. But it’s even better than that; that is, it will keep getting better and better and better. And if things are going well, then Moore’s law is good, right?

There has been a lot of talk about my advanced age, and about artificial intelligence. Perhaps the solution to one can be the promise of the other? I assure you, my intelligence is not artificial, in fact it comes from more years in the heart of the United States government than most, throughout the history of our great country, can claim. It is based on time, and experience, observing and making some mistakes, and I know it is finite, both in time and capacity … as it ever was. Perhaps this solution to what some people think is my problem, can be a solution to many more real problems, actual situations, and the many thorny issues of governance, jurisprudence, and economic and ecological stewardship going forward?

First, I want to talk about behavioral economics, how it is good to think fast and slow, and how patriarchal, or better yet matriarchal, libertarianism can nudge people toward doing the right things. Because that’s all you want, right? A suggestion? Not to be told, in an authoritarian way, what to do. As Thomas Jefferson said, the government is best which governs least. But, government can be good, especially when it protects and defends, educates and regulates the precious society which it serves: “We the people.”

Next, I want to talk about Benjamin Franklin, specifically the “Benjamin Franklynn Project” being worked on within a network of universities around the country. I will venture to state that Benjamin Franklin was perhaps the wisest of our founding fathers. Not only was he a signatory to all of our founding documents, but he was an advisor to the people who wrote them. Not only was he an inventor, scientist, and diplomat, but he was a moral philosopher. From Silence Dogood to Richard Saunders, from his 13 virtues in the autobiography to his many essays and aphorisms, he was, and still is, the sage of the nation, a moral compass for America.

Now, imagine running ChatGPT through the mind of Benjamin Franklin. Imagine his wisdom and guidance applied to all data. That is what the Benjamin Franklynn Project is all about: creating an AI to run America, a Bot to analyze and synthesize everything that’s going on, then advise US leaders throughout government and industry. I know you know, the American Presidency is too big a job for any one person, that is why I have a huge and awesome team here in the Executive Branch to run this huge and awesome, and most influential government on Earth – the United States of America. Now we have some help!

Of course the US Government has been using computer tools to help run our country for decades. In fact, the Internet is a product of the United States Military – the DARPA program. I know you know that easy access to Artificial Intelligence became available to the masses during my first term as president. Many of you use it, and many of you are encouraging the government to regulate it, and we will. A step in that direction, and in using artificial intelligence for the good it can do, the wonderful purposes it can serve, is to use it in the government: by, of, and for the people.

I liked the idea of calling this new AI entity “Benjamin Franklynn” (using of course the pronoun “they” since they will do so many things). Others liked calling it “Average Joe” since it prioritizes average Americans (and my name is Joe). But hopefully, this new entity will stay as a new permanent fixture of governance, adopted by every administration to come, evolving as the times and the technology change. So, I’m suggesting we call it “BOTUS” (pronounced BohTUS or BOT-US) or the “Brain of the United States.” And for now, to assure the American people and the world, we can call it “B-BOTUS,” or Biden’s Brain of the US (pronounced with a little stutter to remind you of me {since of course I need no reminding]).

Where will this new entity fit in the American government? Where can it serve most profitably, yet not usurp the power of humans? If I am reelected, Ben, Joe, BBOTUS, or whatever new nickname we come up with, will be my Chief of Staff. And it will work 24-7, without food, sleep, or pay, continually harvesting information – data, from all over the world and running it through a variety of algorithms to provide the very best intelligence and advice on the planet, for the planet, and for the USA. 

A side note: another name consideration was the “Al Gore Rhythm,” but that was ruled out as an oxymoron (HeHeHe…) And we’ve contemplated resistance as people compare BOTUS to “Big Brother” of George Orwell’s 1984. Instead, think “Big Mother” (thus the spelling: “Franklynn”). It will serve a matriarchy rather than a patriarchy. It will have inhuman patience, infinite ambiguity tolerance, yottabytes of historical and scientific wisdom, and a well-researched unconditional love of humanity. The invention of a mother…?

To clarify, this is a beta version of applying artificial intelligence to governance, and the redundant security measures are vast. Just as it will not be 1984, it will not be 2001. We started with the three laws of Isaac Asimov and put in numerous other failsafes, contingencies, deadman switches, and control defaults to make the systems secure. We’ve conducted numerous “pre-mortems” and included a live black box that is independently monitored. Nonetheless, we know there will be Luddites and naysayers, and we have already anticipated how our successes will mitigate disdain only gradually. Now that seeing is not believing, we know everyone is from Missouri, and the proof will be in the pudding.

Rather than a fearing fear, we hope this lil’ fireside chat will generate an excitement, confidence, and anticipation for enlightened solutions to problems large and small, near and far, now and then. Partisan polarization has been tearing us apart, but since we all breathe the same air and cherish our children’s future, we hope that an immortal BOTUS can bring us together. Over the next several days, we will be rolling out explanations of how they work, what they do, and what you can expect from them. We will show how my administration will use BOTUS, but also how future administrations can modify the algorithms to accommodate differing political philosophies, evolving situations, changing technologies, and the varying unknowns – known and unknown. In fact, right now we are adding an extensive FAQ sheet at the White House website. Rather than taking questions, I direct you all there.

Once again, thank you for the opportunity to serve, thank you for your service to our national community, and thank you for your faith in our shared American ideals. May the force be with you…